"WE can do this."

Last night I realized I had a bad habit. I realized that when I pray for help I often open with the rather woebegone phrase "I can't do this." followed, of course, by a petition for help. I repeat that I know I can't do this and that He can. I ask for His help, His strength, His mercy. I lay in wait for the strength to come. I ponder my insignificance.

I wallow.

I am a wallower. I am one who wallows.My prayers go from petitions, to me, on the floor, WALLOWING.

The process was repeating itself, last night. I was in my closet (Christ said to, so I do it. Also, as a missionary there are only two places a girl can go for privacy and my companion was already in the bathroom.) praying for some assistance and, of course, WALLOWING. I found myself in the fetal position, repeating in my mind as a plea, "I can't do this." I found myself slipping into listlessness . . . I realized that this prayer really wasn't going where it should.

Why do we pray? To know God. To talk to Him, to thank Him and to ask His Forgiveness, Help, Healing, Advice. Prayer is meant to strengthen us, help, heal, inspire us. I was using it as a pity party.

I realized that the fault was mine. Was I asking for the wrong things? Was I not worthy of the help I needed? Why was this a time of sadness?

Meanwhile, I was still repeating, "I can't do this."

A thought came to mind: "Who wants you to believe that?"

"Satan?", I answered.

"So what does God want me to believe?"

Still on the floor, I squared my shoulders and tried something, "I can do this."

I felt myself shrink back from anything so bold, but I felt better enough to not want to go back to all the "I can'ts"

I can't take the credit for any success I have as a missionary. I know that ALL good things come from God. That's why prayer is essential. That's what brought me to my knees in the first place.But does that make me worthless? God never says that. Maybe it's a matter of teamwork?

"WE can do this." 

Then it came. Then the strength came. Then I was sitting up, standing up- Awake. The strength of Christ's Atonement filled me up and I was no longer wallowing. Much like Enos after his prayer, or "wrestle" before the Lord, I found myself asking, "How is it done?" I'm not going to claim a voice from the Heavens but I think the answer I got was about the same:

          "7 And I said: Lord, how is it done?

           8 And he said unto me: Because of thy faith in Christ" (Enos 1:7-8)

A thought occurred to me that had never come before: The Atonement is just as much about your confidence as it is about your faith. I had Faith that God can do all things. I had faith that Christ's Atonement was real. I knew that if I put myself in His hands I could overcome all things. Nothing I hadn't been learning all my life and teaching for the past nine months of it. But I had been trying to apply it imperfectly (It's understandable- I am imperfect.) I had the faith- But I didn't have the confidence.

To me, everything I wanted to happen was impossible. Because of my weakness, my imperfections, my fears, my faults . . . And by the sheer grit of my prayers, Heavenly Father would listen and help me out.

         "12. Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself . . . "           (Alma 26:12)

It's been my favorite verse for so long, but I don't think I processed all of it . . .

         " . . . but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty     miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever."

Part of believing that God is there, is believing that He loves you. It's believing that you are His Daughter and are filled with the potential to be like Him- It's believing that if you put your trust in Him, YOU CAN DO ALL THINGS.

As many scriptures as there are saying that we are nothing compared to God, we are wholly at His mercy, We need Him every hour- There are just as many that say, "Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath great recompence of reward." (Hebrews 10:35), "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." (Phillipians 4:13),  "And Christ truly said unto our fathers: If ye have faith ye can do all things which are expedient unto me."(Moroni 10:23)

Faith is not just knowing that He's there, listening and ready to help you. It's knowing that if you try, with His help, you WILL SUCCEED. Pray for the help, but WORK for the miracle. And know that the miracle will come. I say this in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.